The Pros
Band members Related acts
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- Johnny Kitchen (???) --
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- none known
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Genre: pop Rating: 3 stars *** Title: Love Return Company: Barbarella Catalog: AW
14065 Country/State: US Grade (cover/record): VG+/VG+ Comments: minor ring wear on front and back covers Available: 1 Catalog ID: 6237 Price: $100.00
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Johnny Kitchen's name only shows up once on 1977's "Love Return". That appearance comes in the form of songwriter credits where his name appears besides the track 'Mud, Sweat N' Fears'. That said, elsewhere this anonymous collection had Kitchen's aural fingerprints all over its grooves - erroneously titled songs, abrupt song endings, sub-par sound quality, etc., etc.. Judging by the haphazard mixture of tunes covering a wide array of musical genres and timeframes including folk-rock ('MO Theme No. 1'), garage rock ('Mr. Luv'), and mid-1960s soul ('Missin You'), this was a prime example of a Johnny Kitchen tax scam release.
"Love
Return" track listing: 1.) Love Return (Bob Bright) - 3:10 Complete with some of the flattest singing you've every heard and the lamest scat singing you've ever heard ("sha-ba-do-da ..."), the title track had kind of a low-tech, smoky lounge act charm. Imagine Tom Waits trying to sound like a member of the Rat Pack ... Hard to image Mr. Bright (the songwriter) spent more than 60 seconds coming up with the track. Still, I smile every time I her weird this throw-away performance. rating: *** stars 2.) Missin You (instrumental) (Joe Sanchez) - 3:12 'Missin You' was a surprisingly enjoyable slice of Stax-styled instrumental soul. Yeah, it may have been released in 1977, but the sound was pure mid-1960s. Great electric keyboards and bass on this one and the end of song freak-out segment was hysterically inept. rating: *** stars 3.) MI-TB (instrumental) (L. Priessman) - 2:59 While I've always wondered about the goofy title (my tuberculosis ?), 'MI-TB' was another 1960s soul-tinged/freak-out instrumental. Once again the song featured some fantastic bass, along with tasty keyboards. Shame the effect was spoiled by the abrupt ending ... the song just came to a screeching stop. rating: *** stars 4.) Mountain Girl (instrumental) (Ralph Morris) - 2:47 'Mountain Girl' continued in the soul instrumental groove, though this time out the track suffered from a weird drop off in volume ... it literally sounded like something that had been recorded on one of those early-1970s Philips cassette recorders. Nice sax solo, but once again the song just came to an abrupt ending. rating: *** stars 5.) MO Theme No. 1 (Ralph Morris) - 2:35 Listed as 'MO Theme No. 1', this track was actually a folk-rock version of Chet Powers 'Get Together'. Ever been to a Catholic folk mass ? Well the peppy male/female lead vocals and bouncy harmonica made this one sound exactly like something you would hear at a Saturday evening folk mass. Why in the world was it listed under a different title ... rating: ** stars
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2) An atmospheric instrumental that sounded like a weird blend of foghorn warning, strumming guitar folk piece, and B movie film score, 'MO Theme No. 2' was the album's strangest performance. rating: ** stars 2.) Mr. Flash (instrumental) (Ralph Morris) - 2:57 The instrumental 'Mr. Flash' was built around slightly discordant strumming guitars and what sounded suspiciously like a bug zapper (yeah one of those blue lights that they hang in supermarket doorways). The song ended on a high note if you were looking for some major freak-out fuzz guitar. rating: ** stars 3.) Mr. Luv (instrumental) (L. Priessman) - 3:02 Opening up with some tasty mid-'60s styled fuzz guitar, 'Mr. Luv' was a nice garage/psychploitation rocker. Shame it wasn't given a vocal track and some post-production work. Could have done great things circa 1966. Once again the song faded out just as it was starting to really build up some steam. rating: *** stars 4.) Mud, Sweat N' Fears (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:59 The lone Johnny Kitchen composition, 'Mud, Sweat N' Fears' was an interesting guitar instrumental. In spite of sloppy playing, the song had a nice melody and a very early-1960s folk-rock flavor. Imagine a bunch of drunk members of The Byrds hanging out with Buddy Holly. rating: *** stars 5.) Musica Nortena (instrumental) (Ralph Morris) - 2:12 'Musica Nortena' sported a nice Chicago-blues flavor and a catchy guitar hook, but once again the song just stopped in mid-air. rating: *** stars
In a weird way you have to admire the folks behind this set - they certainly had courage slapping something this eclectic and shoddy together. There was no way to consider this a great album, but there was something fascinating about the results ... You kind of found yourself thinking "well if they could record and release something this crappy, maybe I could do better ..."
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Genre: pop Rating: 3 stars *** Title: Off the Wall Company: Hudson Catalog: AW
14112 Country/State: US Grade (cover/record): VG+/VG+ Comments: -- Available: 1 Catalog ID: 5888 Price: $150.00
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Another curiosity on the obscure and mysterious Album World imprint; this one was released under the Hudson Records label. And like many tax scam releases, this one exhibited many of the characteristics we've come to love - minimal liner notes and performance credits, erroneous songwriting credits and song titles (check out 'Love One Another'), jagged edits and fadeouts, material that appeared to have been pilfered from a haphazard array of sources ... you'll love this one, or want nothing to do with it.
Few people are aware of The Pros' first LP ("Love Return" - Barbarella catalog number AW-14065), let alone this sophomore release.
Same band? Beats me since these folks are complete mysteries. For what it's worth 1978's Cy McElroy produced "Off the Wall" appears to be a Johnny Kitchen-related release. Kitchen's name actually didn't appear anywhere, though nine of the ten tracks were credited to 'J. Kitchen'. That said, I suspect that even though most of these surf-rock and R&B instrumentals were credited to Kitchen, they weren't originals, rather reflected material that had been ripped off from outside sources. Be interesting to see if anyone out there could recognize some of the performances.
"Off
the Wall" track listing: 1.) You've Met Your Match (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:59 The instrumental 'You've Met Your Match' was a classic slice of 1960s-styled surf rock. I'm no expert in the genre, but even though it was credited as a Johnny Kitchen original, I'd be willing to bet that it was actually lifted from an existing work. track rating: ** stars 2.) Woman On My Mind (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:02 'Woman On My Mind' was another surf rock instrumental, though this one had a vaguely mid-Eastern feel to it. Same comment as above - credited as a Johnny Kitchen composition I'd bet it was copped from somewhere else. track rating: ** stars 3.) Trust Me (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:37 Another surf-rock instrumental, though this one had a better than average melody and rhythm. rating: *** stars 4.) Sad Little Girl (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:36 'Sad Little Girl' was plain weird. The source tapes appear to have been damaged, giving the song extremely poor sound quality (which cost it one star). Shame since this was actually one of the better instrumentals. Much more rock oriented that the previous three selections and it had a killer bass line. rating: *** stars 5.) Goodbye To Yesterday (Johnny Kitchen) - 1:55 The lone side one vocal, 'Goodbye To Yesterday' started out with a nice jangle folk-rock feel. Heavily orchestrated, the mannered vocals (love the 'heys') and clunky percussion made it unintentionally funny. Again, the song sounded like it was sourced off of damaged, or poorly master tapes. I'll give it an extra star for being a vocal performance. rating: *** stars
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2) The sax-propelled 'Something Happens To Me' had a late-1950s R&B feel. Certainly a timepiece, but actually kind of likeable. The second half of the song also sported one of the album's better guitar solos. rating: *** stars 2.) Trials and Tribulations (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:37 'Trials and Tribulations' returned to conventional surf-rock. Again it was credited as a Kitchen original, but I'd be skeptical. rating: ** stars 3.) Too Late (instrumental) (L. Priessman) - 2:30 The lone track that wasn't credited as Kitchen original, unlike most of the album, the instrumental 'Too Late' had kind of a Memphis soul feel going to it. Nice scratch guitar throughout. One of the nicer efforts, I'd love to know where this one came from. Interesting break about two thirds of the way through. rating: *** stars 4.) Love One Another (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:15 The second vocal performance, 'Love One Another' was actually a highly orchestrated cover of Dino Valente's 'Get Together'. A male-female duet, the anonymous singers were a little shaky, though they actually managed to build a little bit of energy by the time they got to the end of the song. rating: *** stars 5.) Glimmer, Glimmer (instrumental) (Johnny Kitchen) - 2:16 The album ended with the bluesy instrumental 'Glimmer, Glimmer'. Slinky and not bad. rating: ** stars
All-in-all, one of your routine tax scam releases. Not the best, hardly the worst.
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